WR7931 – white Hyundai sedan, driven by morbidly obese woman, eating takeaways while driving.

She bloody side-swiped me while I was on the MTB heading up to the Kiwi this arvo with Ella.  Thank God it was me she got and not Ella.

As we were heading up the hill, I was aware (very momentarily naturally) of a white car veering in towards Ella and then out.  All I thought was “Hell, that looks bloody close!”  Then there was a loud bang as she clipped me.  How on earth did I stay upright?!

I stopped and wildly gave her the fingers as she continued driving (well, I was hoping she was looking in her rear vision mirror at the time).  WR7931, WR7931, WR7931… I madly grabbed my cellphone and entered it as a memo note. 

The stupid bloody wench then had the audacity to park at the Kiwi to eat her takeaways!  I’m sure she’s wishing she hadn’t.  As we neared the carpark, I scoured it for a car which matched the number plate, and there she was.  I ditched Ella and the bike up on the Summit Road and ran across to the wench and abused the hell out of her through her open window (I’m sure she’s regretting having the window down now too).  Okay, I wasn’t proud of the verbal abuse that spewed forth in front of the audience that was sitting in the sun outside the Kiwi, but I ensured everyone there knew exactly what the woman had done.

The worst bit was when I first said to her “You bloody hit me you stupid cow!”, she said “Oh yeah… are you alright?”  I was like WTF?!  Then I checked her car to find the dent – it was covered with scrapes and dents, so I proceeded to acuse of her also hitting every other cyclist in Christchurch.  Fair enough assumption I thought.

Strangely, she had pulled out of the carpark and was driving off by the time I’d walked back to the bike.  As Graham said, her McDonalds probably didn’t taste so nice anymore.

Just as well Mr Harris will be getting a colleague to take care of the matter for me on Monday – she ain’t heard the last of it.

The world is making me a very angry individual.

I need cake.